MuteChannel

Long Break

Yesterday was a long day for me, I had a long training session from 10 am to 9 pm. I'm happy that I finally completed the first stage, but tiredness was haunting me for whole day. After training, I quickly drove back like usual... Not because I was too tired, and not because I felt sleepy... After reached my messy place, I quickly signed in to my messenger, wished that she was online... Sadly, she was not there. Possibilities are playing in my mind...

"Was she Sleeping? Maybe She was tired."
"Or was she busy for something?"
"Maybe she was went out with her friends..."

I laughed at myself... but just for a while... And I thought "She need to have a break, she had ton of works waiting for her... She should enjoy her life." I smiled again. Because there was something tied between me and her, but we can only talked through a screen. It was so near, yet so far...

I received a call from my friend, asked me to yam cha with them. Without second thought, I quickly agreed, because i haven't had my first meal of the day. Like usual, we crapped... bull shit with each other... laughed, and shared... They unlike my other friends, all we talk is works, works and works, so their conversation with me was surrounded by works. That reminded me of "I do need a break sometime..." Headache suddenly striked my brain at that moment... Like it never was before. I felt the pain in my head... Like someone was whacking my head. It stop for a while for few seconds, then it came back again... And again. I felt the pain, it was miserable yet suffering. For about half an hour, the pain left me. It was time I have to went back and rest...

Quickly, I took a bath. Then I signed in in to my messenger again, wished that she was there this time. We chat for a while, She sent me few emails, I opened the emails. One was about creative advertisments, I felt her understanding towards me... she knew me. Then, I opened the second email, I smiled... Reminded me of sometime I should take a break and have fun. For the third, something I havent see before, I laughed this time... After finished, I continue the next one, this time it made me afraid... scared. It was about a couple that about to marry next day, but her fiance ended up dying on the bed... The day before their marry. The cause was tiredness cause his internal organs to malfunction. I always didnt get enough sleep, it was getting worse since I joined the training...

That moment, my right eye became blur all of the sudden, like something was blocking my sight. I started to rubbed my eye, the pain was so unbearable... I looked at my hand, stain of fresh blood was on my right hand. I quickly rushed to toilet, at that moment, my mind was empty... Because I don't know what else to think. My right eye was bleeding...

It never happened to me before, I tried to comforted myself... Nothing was wrong, I was just too tired... After cleaned my face, the pain slowly faded away. I ended the conversation, I knew I need to rest. Lot of things are playing in my mind in that moment... The email I read... My right eye... That might happened on me, what will happened to her if we started a relationship? She will suffer for sure. Thought of that, made me so afraid to take a step anymore, that one step is seem so far away from me... Thought I was ready to started a relationship, but at the same time I was so worried I can't take good care of the one I love... I was so scared not because I afraid to face death... I was so scared she will crying for me... I was scared... If I was about to die tomorrow, I wished we had started our relationship earlier... So the time we be together is longer. Now, I told myself not to take that step anymore, so she will never get hurt.

I was too tired... Without few minutes, I slowly closed my eyes... and took my long break...